This may be a true life situation, but you gotta admit you've done little to help the problem. If you weren't so cheap and would take some time to go ahead and replace the rotten wood in the roof on your trailer, he probably wouldn't have broken through it , anyway. AND, then you have to go and put that blue tarp over the whole roof to try to keep the rain out. Any fool knows those things are far from waterproof, and the sunlight dry rots them in just a few weeks. Then you go taking pot shots at him. Yeah, you got some free venison AND the neighbors' prize bull. But they didn't find him until the buzzards appeared a few days later. If he hadn't a dived over that roof ridge, he wouldn't fallen through the big hole the rotten blue tarp was covering up. Bet your wifes eyes really opened when when she heard the crash of him coming through the ceiling and landing in the bed next to her! But did she really have to start screaming so loud because the bed frame broke and dropped the mattress on the floor? Old Nick almost had a heart attack. And, your wife has to be one of the biggest fibbers in the world. Just because you come hauling around the corner with that rusty blunderbuss you claim could take the individual eyes off a fly at four hundred yards is no reason for her to change her voice from screams of ecstasy because her prayers for a real man were answered to squeals of "He's trying to assault me"! No wonder Santa jumped up and dove out the window. Thinking it was a bigger house, the poor old bugger was clinging literally by his fingernails to that window ledge,thinking it was a long way down to the ground. And you, you slimeball, just had to take the duct taped butt of that ol single shot hog gun and bust his knuckles with it. When he hit the ground two feet later, he tripped over that old blown up 390, atubbed his toe, and darned near broke his neck when he fell into your open cesspool. Most people cover those up with some concrete, but no, you gotta use an old piece of sheetrock you stole from that new, fancy housing development down the road. Cheapa$$ builder using 3/8" material to build a mansion townhouse for some stupid section 8 fool to buy. You shoulda knowed that stuff turned to mush the first time it got wet, but you don't care. Now, the poor old guy has a busted set of fingers, a busted foot, stinking clothes from your septic system and you glaring out the window hollering at him. By the time he clawed his way outta that hole in that swamp you claim is your lawn, I don't blame him for running like the devil was right behind him. But, gotta give you credit. The idea of using that plastic bird bath for a mold for a concrete one was almost genius. It shore don't fall over in the wind like mine does. It's nice and heavy. Shame it had to break when Santa hit it head on. Never knew a man could howl like that and cry at the same time from being deneutered by a sudden collision with something in the old cahonies.
And you want to chastise him for limping away and gloat as to how you peppered his butt with buckshot? I don't think so. Besides, you couldn't hit the broad side of a bulls' a$$ with a 2x4 from three feet, much less hit anything with those old shotshells that still have moldy paper hulls. It's a wonder that the primer even blew the wad out of the barrel. But then you do have to admit that though it's illegal to have that sawed-off, it is easy to handle. Lucky the sheriff didn't say something about it when he got there. You say he ran down the road, but word has it you were in your junker trying to get it started so you could run him down, but it's a cryin shame you haven't gotten to the junk yard yet for a new gas cap and your fuel line was frozen up again from the rain getting into the tank. It ain't no wonder your house is in the utlity companies "RED ZONE". Santa should have noticed that on his GPS. Guess he was too busy to check---
Have a Merry Christmas. And remember, there are only two honest men in this world. You, and me. And I'm not so sure about you--
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Today's Featured Article - New Life for an Old Allis - by Tyler Woods. My friend Jon, has an old '39 Allis Chalmers B. He thought it a marginal tractor that had long since served its time. She smoked terribly and never had much power but he couldn't afford another so he was limping along with what he had. Jon's Allis has a small front loader and though it doesn't carry much, it serves his needs. It was the hard starting and low power that made him think it was time to replace the old girl. Jon called me to help him discover why his tractor wouldn't start
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