Ten Year Old Rambo

OK, now this is funny and not really OT since there is a tractor mentioned.
Enjoy

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our place sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazzard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn"t any fire danger. I"ll put it this way - a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.



Anyway, one summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I look over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner . . . lets face it ... . to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself ether really doesn"t "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles) to add to the excitement.


At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie...1lb pyrodex and 16oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? Screw that. I"m going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we"re cookin".

I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH SH*T! He just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the

starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh. Sh*t.

When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don"t know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond

glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE! There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That mother got up and ran off.

So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback “ ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN" EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE DAMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!! His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.


I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don"t know- I know I said something. I couldn"t hear. I couldn"t hear inside my own head. I don"t think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don"t remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again. Thanks mom.

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. And I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the beating. Or both.

I guess what I"m trying to say is, get your kids into archery.. Its good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life. Something they won"t learn in school.

Thanks Chuck I needed that Al

Funny story. I didn't get into quite as much trouble, but I did find that you can put an arrow through a full beer can that's inside a picnic cooler...

Reminds me of a funny story that a friend of mine from school did.

Remember 25 years ago.....Think back now.
Well in those days it was cool to rip off hood ornaments from cars and trucks. After school one day, he was in 9th grade I think. My buddy, his cousin and another punk were up to no good and there was a new Dodge Ram truck with the Ram hood ornament ripe for the taking. My buddys cousin is standing on the bumper just pulling and pulling on this ornament and just as the cable snaps this big redneck who owned the truck came out of the store. The story goes like this.........all 3 ran for their lives in 3 different directions. My buddys cousin was chased through the woods for a while by this big burly guy and they all got away. Put the fear of God in them I am told.
Stupid kids doing stupid things.
Brings back memories.

I was never able to get to the "Good stuff". LOL I did have a regular bow and arrow. Yes just one arrow. My Dad would only give me another arrow if I brought him the old broken one. I spent more time hunting for my arrow than shotting. My cousin and I got the "bright idea" to shot a dead cow. Now this was in the middle of July, the cow had died trying to calve late. Now all of you know how bloated a cow would be after a week in July. My cousin got to shot first. He hit the cow right in the belly. Even with my little bow it stuck. I had to go get the arrow for my turn. Can you guys imagene what happen when I pulled that arrow out of that bloated cow??? I have never been as sick. LOL My mother made me sleep out in the barn for a week before I was smelling good enough to come back into the house.

To this day I can"t look at a dead animal and not smell that old cow. LMAO

I used to have an '86 Dodge Ramcharger with the spring-loaded ram on the hood. I had a few co-workers who loved to always turn on the ornament, you know, twist it sideways or backwards.
I took a can of anti-seize grease that was the same color as the ornament and put a thin layer of the stuff on the ornament. If you would get any of the stuff on your hands, it was really hard to get off using a hood hand cleaner. I sat back and watched as a guy came in and had one heck of a time getting the stuff off of his hands and clothes.
The hood ornament molestation stopped after that.

Thanks. Haven't laughed that hard in a long time!

a friend of mine tells about a milking shorthorn bull his dad owned.
once when looking at family pictures his dad found a picture of the bull sitting on his haunches dad said "i never knew why that bull did that".
ted said "i never liked that bull so when i saw him i would shoot him in the bag with my pellet gun the bull got so when he knew i was around he would sit down"

A blob of never sieze will smear for a mile! I have done similar things with it. :lol:

CT

I once saw a crying bull at a carnival. He just sits on his arse and bawls.