Farm wife funny

I was reminded tonight of something that happened after we got married. I married a city girl about 12 years ago. She loves life on the farm, but the learning curve was steep for me - I didn?t realize how much I needed to explain. Without sounding exasperated!

I have one standing barrel for gas and four ground tanks for diesel. One day she drove the lawnmower over to the ?gas station? and after she filled the mower she walked over to the shed where I was working.

?How come I don?t ever have to swipe my card??

?Come again?? I said.

?How come I don?t have to swipe my card to pump gas into the lawnmower?? she said.

I just kind of smiled. ?Because I have already paid for that 2300 gallons of gas and diesel. I have to pay for it when they deliver it. So you just mow as much as you want - the gas is on me.?

?So, could I pull my car up there and fill it?? she said.

?Well you could, but then I would have to run your debit card. Besides, I don?t have time to be the Texaco man.?

I still chuckle about that every so often. You should have seen me try to explain the reasoning for disking and then field cultivating (but only sometimes - sometimes you only need to cultivate. She just gave up on that one).

My friend told me a story about his ex wife city girl. They were doen at one of the barns a mile from home and she had to go. He told her to go in a lambing pen and sqwat. Apparently she thought he meant on her knees. I guess no one ever taught her how to go out in the woods.

A guy I knew, him and his wife were building their retirement home in the northern part of the state (Michigan). They
would work on the house on weekends, while he worked his job during the week. At the end of one weekend they had the front
yard ready to seed. (about one half acre in size) The wife told the husband to go home and work. That she would stay and
plant the grass. The next weekend when the husband returned. She told him how she had worked all week,every day all day
long sowing the grass seed in the yard. He thought that was a little strange, until the grass started to grow.
She had planted the grass seed in perfectly straight 30 inch rows. The only thing she had ever helped plant before was
their small garden at home so that's how she planted the grass.

We had a dairy farm when I was a kid, but dad's sister was a city girl. She was visiting, and after breakfast, dad announced that he was going to look at a milking shorthorn bull. Aunt Grace got a perplexed look on her face, and said "But Ray, how can that be?"

All I have to say is WOW!

Neighbor was coming home & saw a car in the ditch. He stopped & asked the lady if she was OK? She said I am OK but need help getting out of the ditch. He said I am always willing to help a pretty young pregnant lady out of a ditch. But I am not pregnant she replied. You are not out of the ditch yet either he replied!

That?s hysterical. I got about 800 acres of soybeans she could have helped with in June. And July. And August.

A long time doctor friend (now retired) grew up on a farm but married a city gal he met in med school. She was an RN.

Anyway, they were driving across the countryside one day and drove past a corral where cattle had eaten into the sides of a hay stack.

"Doc"s wife asked him how the farmers made those hay stacks in such perfect mushroom shapes.

Doc told that story for years and cracked up every time he told it.

city kid from New York visited, heard the rooster crowing & said "Did you have to train him to do that?".

Driving vacation in England and Scotland some years ago. Had to explain to my (then) wife (from a small town in Iowa) that all those sheep out the window were NOT 50-50 male/female.