For the Texas folks????

I was just in the shopette... 16 degrees outside... woman had on spiked shoes, shorts, tank/tube top, a gut, and enough makeup to make a demolition derby car look new... Was checking out with a couple shot sized bottles of tequila and a bag of chips with melted nacho cheese all over them and the bag..... I walked up just in time to hear her say "it's a Texas thing"....
Help me out here... what part of that freak show was the Texas thing......

I mean... I could see James Howell in his spandex and sport cup riding around on one of them ugly tractors, but c'mon now....

You have never been in a Wal-Mart in Texas have you. You get to see all the skin you can handle and then some.

Could she two step?


Yeah everything you mentioned fits the Texas white trash but this particular one does sound like a ferrel wal_mart variety.

Any chance there was a tattoo above her arse or marlboro lights in her back pocket. That would help narrow this down to Texas regions at least.

(quoted from post at 13:33:50 02/10/12) Could she two step?


Yeah everything you mentioned fits the Texas white trash but this particular one does sound like a ferrel wal_mart variety.

Any chance there was a tattoo above her arse or marlboro lights in her back pocket. That would help narrow this down to Texas regions at least.

Click to expand...

didn't get that far.... she was battin her eyes at everybody and I was ready to slap the sh!t outta her (her husband is in Afghanistan)..... she was spanish looking....

You really want to see a horror, go to any Wal Mart along the Texas-Oklahoma boarder, especially around the first of the month when the dandies get their relief checks-a terrifying display of straining spandex, skin, cigarettes, Busch Beer and Hamburger Helper. Interestingly, usually the uber trash are non natives that are from the midwest and from California. You all can have them back

I can't get past the "shopette" now maybe I'm truly ignorant and so be it no ones perfect ...... is that next to Jeanette's Kitchenette on the Ranchette ? (not ratchet) LOL

Spandex and tractors do not mix, I don't care what the trend is over there in Europe LOL !!!!!

that theres whats known as a SWEET THANG!!!do you guys really know how big a place texas is?Lordy,texas is so big and you see folks so seldom,any female with two shots of tequila and a bag of nachos is pretty much a rodeo queen!Now i know thats are puttin the bar purty high up in yankee country,but those texans has STANDARDS for folks to live up to!Like the saying goes ,it may not be the right way but it is the cowboy way!

shopette is what we call a convenience store on an army installation....

C'mon now.... green tights and a green/yellow stretch shirt on one of them ugly tractors.....

she"s lyin"...if it was REALLY a texas thing, she"d have had on boots

Let"s run through your checklist one more time:

<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]16^o outside[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (probably from the Texas Panhandle area - either Lubbock or Amarillo)</li>

<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]spiked shoes[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (CFM shoes popular in all metro areas and suburbs in Texas)</li>

<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]shorts[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (Sheer, white "cheekers" are commonly worn below the waist to display the black lace thong)</li>

<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]tank/tube top[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] * check (If no evidence of a titzenhaulter, definitely deep East Texas)</li>

<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]a gut[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (must overlap top of shorts and aid support to bottom of tube top)</li>

<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]enough makeup to make a demolition derby car look new[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (makeup must also be in proportion to compliment either big hair or blond wig regardless of ethnicity)</li>

<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]shot sized bottles of tequila[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (small liquor bottles can be easily hidden inside tube top during a routine traffic stop and look natural if placed properly)</li>

<li>[b:654c4848f0][i:654c4848f0]bag of chips with melted nacho cheese all over them and the bag[/i:654c4848f0][/b:654c4848f0] - check (eliminates the distraction and inconvenience of putting down cell phone to remove chip from bag to dip in can of cheese while driving)

<a href="http://s200.photobucket.com/albums/aa5/jameslloydhowell/?action=view&amp;current=tattoo-on-back-6341028951952161555.jpg" target="_blank"> </a>

Your description sure fits a lot of Texas women, but without visual evidence of a "tramp stamp" or body piercing, she might be from either southwest Arkansas or northwest Louisiana.

If you wanted a job that would keep you extremely busy join the "fashion" police and park just outside the door at Dollar General. Doesn't make any differnce what time of the year. You would write so many citations you would get writers cramps. My wife gets upset with me for stereotyping people but I can't help it. They make it so easy.

You just saw my Aunt Edna, she lied she only left Ky. for Texas 3 years ago, wondered where she went.

James you left out two important checks.
1 Gut must have four overlaps in front and hang over on the side. At least ten inches.
2 Make up must be thick enough to stain the ground when it rains. Eyes must have enough make up to qualify as a black eye.

Only way to rule out Arkansas was if he got a tooth count. Louisiana is out considering she was going for chips, cheese and tequila. Now if she would have had a couple of slim-jims in hand and asking for boudin, maybe...

Kentucky is out unless she was toting an oxygen bottle and wearing camo.

Oh, and that ain't "Spanish" looking.

Sounds like you needed to get a half-gallon bottle of Jack Daniels in a paper sack,,,,you can cut the holes later.

I work with her daughter...

Odessa?

Vito

Odessa?

Vito

Was she near 50 Mark Park?

Dang Dave - No wonder you don't have Hooters over THERE with that much excitement!

Jim (hibernating in cIllinoiz)

PS: Good to see James is still on here - ahead of the Detective, for now. Yuk, Yuk

2 years ago, I was in Wall Mart, saw a guy with the perfect Halloween costume:

1) A Mullet - "business in front, party in the back!

2) Shirt with hacked off sleeves.

3) Trucker wallet - one with a chain on it.

4) blue jeans

5) bad teeth. Darn near none. Young guy too.

6) Some ratty gym shoes - old keds.

Unfortunately for him it was August. But I copied his look for my Halloween costume. Went over good in Ann Arbor. In Livingston county, without the fake teeth, I was just another displaced hillbilly.

Many of you know what a Pee Wee PX is from your time in service. Well right at the end of the war in Viet Nam congress in it's alleged wisdom decided that except for Basic training total control was unconstitutional. So the pass system went away. So did the need for a small PX, theater and snack bar in every battalion area for guys who failed to get an on post or off post pass. Add in the desire of most people for a convenience type store and there you have it. Now it's the military so you know darn well that they are not going to call it by a civilian name. No, you have the commissary instead of grocery store, PB/BX instead of department store and now Shopette instead of convenience store. Oh yea don't forget Class 6 instead of liqueur store!

Gotta remember it's the military who's motto should be "US military where simple problems require complex solutions.....simple solutions will not be tolerated"!

Rick

dave2, With the larger and larger growing #s of Freaks and Weird-oes moving to Austin,Tx she is just lost and trying to get back to her adopted home of Austin. Where "Keep Austin Weird" is the new mantra!
There is a never ending array of freaks and sideshows in Austin.
To answer your question perhaps the tequila or the cheese nachos is the Texas thing, Non of the other stuff you mentioned. IMO the rest is just plain of weird that can be found in most any town in the US.
Stupidity is nation wide just look at the current President and his followers! Need I say more....I rest my case!
Later,
John A.

Dave where do you live? Beins you are blabbing (whining) on here
all the time about anything and everything, lots of OT stuff, let's
throw some rocks your way!!!!!

Born Texan and proud of it!
Mark

Well Dave????????????

Well Dave?????????

Well Dave????? Cat got cha tongue??????? Mighty quiet for a loud
mouth!!!!!!!!!!

(quoted from post at 18:42:07 02/12/12) Well Dave????? Cat got cha tongue??????? Mighty quiet for a loud
mouth!!!!!!!!!!

Click to expand...

Naaaa, just busy... Don't get em in a wad.I wasn't pickin on anyplace in particular. If she'da said " it's an Ohio thing", I'da said "for you Ohio folks".....
If you don't like what I post, just don't read them. It'll upset me just as much as your little pissy attempt to badmouth me and make me feel bad...

Ever stop to think that there may not even be a Texas today if it wasn't for some volunteers from Kentucky and Tennessee... That leads to another ????.... What if the Alamo would have had a back door??? :shock:

Never loose your sense of humor folks.life really sucks without one.

BTW, I was born in WV, raised in Ohio, and living in Germany now.....